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Talking to Your Children About the Atrocities of 9/11

As the 10 year anniversary approaches and my children are finally old enough to understand, I'm faced with the question: Where do you even begin? We've compiled a list of resources that will help you navigate the murky waters.

Where were you on Sept. 11, 2001?

It's as clear as day to me.  I had just sat down at my computer, checking e-mail, beginning to respond to parent requests, when our maintenance guy came running down the stairs exclaiming that a plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York. 

At first we all though it must have been an accident.  Then we heard about the second plane.  Clearly, this was an act of terror. I vividly remember asking myself...what else is coming?

Flabbergasted, I wasn't sure what to think.  Being a newlywed by six weeks and just out of college, I was completely floored, speechless.  The rest of the day still radiates in my mind as a complete blur, glued to whatever news coverage we could find. I watched in complete terror as the first tower fell and then the second.  How could this possibly be happening?

I worked for a fairly large church in Atlanta, one that housed a school of nearly 500 children.  I remember the talks amongst the staff...how do you explain this to the students?  How do you even begin to break apart the horrific events of that day to elementary school children, kids who's greatest concern is what their parents packed them for lunch and who they were going to share it with?

As a 23-year-old, I didn't think much about it.  In fact, I was thankful, at the time, that I didn't have to make those decisions or have any of those tough conversations. 

Fast forward to present day.  I have three children, a 6-year-old, 4- year-old and 2-year-old.  With the 10 year anniversary, I'm struck with the reality that the questions are coming.  They're finally old enough, at least two of them, to begin to comprehend the atrocities of that day. 

The questions have already begun as my oldest is starting to hear about 9/11 in his classroom.  So far, we're just scratching the surface.  How do you unravel the events of that day and the impact it's had on our country in the years that followed? That's a lot of ground to cover with children who have very little concept of true evil.  

While the images of that day are forever burned into my psyche, my children have nothing more than passing mentions in the hallways and classrooms.  I imagine it's much like I viewed history lessons on WWII. It's not real to them.

However, it is extremely real and even painful to me. How do I put that in words that my children could understand?  So I've reached out into great depth of the internet for expert opinions.

If you're in the same boat, struggling with what to say, I encourage you to check out these resources for help.

1. CNN - Teaching Children About 9/11

2.

3. KSL Utah- Parents Need Sensitivity, Information

4. PBS- Classroom Resources, The Aftermath of 9/11

5. NJ.com - Ten Years Later

6. TodayMoms - How Do You Explain 9/11 to Your Kids?

7. Wall Street Journal - Explaining 9/11 to Kids

8. Family Education - Resources and Tips for Helping Children Understand

9. You Tube - How to Explain to Kids

10. Nickelodeon News - The Story Behind 9/11

Combing through these articles and videos has helped me better prepare for the conversations I'm bound to have with my children in the coming days.  I hope they will also be helpful to you as well.

William September 9, 2011 at 04:32 pm
What about mentioning to them how this incident defied the laws of physics in that jet fuel does not burn hot enough to melt steel. Or talking to them about how this deied engineering in that the towers were built to withstand much worse and yet is the only steel buildings in the history of the world that ever fell due to a collision and fire...despite other buildings being struck by commercial flights. Or how about talking about how expert pilots with records in both the military and commercial industries have said it would be impossible for them to pull off the turns the "student pilots" without full training are said to have pulled off that day. Or maybe we should begin talking to them about how this incident was used to pass laws which nullified much of our constitution so that much of what they learn in school about our government is not even true any longer, via the patriot act. Or perhaps we can explain how despite our brave firefighters and law enforcement officers brave deeds and sacrifices that day our government refuses to support them in their health struggles today. Yet another way to introduce the topic is to discuss how this incident was used to enter our government into two invalid and unlawfull wars. We could also talk to them about the vilification of an entire religion and it's people and how this has been used to further wars and oppression by our nation...but this may be too grim...even for the adults who continue to refuse to accept it.
withavengeance September 9, 2011 at 06:39 pm
Oh, geesh....a conspiracy theorist amongst us. How about telling your children that bin Laden, by these very attacks, had declared war on the USA and all other free territories in the world? That al Quaida had declared war on all the 'infidels' in the world, meaning anyone who doesn't follow the Koran or believe in Allah...this includes ALL religions, except the Muslim religion.
You mention two 'unnecessary' wars....these are no different than Korea or Vietnam....the politicians will not let our generals run our military. Instead the military's hands are tied due to p.c.-ness and politics and money (always follow that, y'know). WWII was the last war America was ALLOWED to win. Perhaps we could also toss in the Gulf War, but we weren't allowed to finish the job there, either. I have no problem talking to my son (who is intellectually challenged) about 9/11...he was only 9 at the time, but he remembers this day of infamy quite well. I guess Pearl Harbor was also faked? The USS Coale? That list can go on a long time. William, just keep living in your la-la land, ok? Peace, baby.
Aliza Worthington September 9, 2011 at 09:13 pm
I don't think either of you are addressing the article's main issue, which is how to explain such tragedy to children should they have questions. Hillary, thanks for these resources. I have a 7YO and I've been wondering how much to tell and in what sorts of terms I should use in the telling.
Without having looked at the websites you mention, I have settled on mostly general terms if it comes up. Along the lines of: Some people's minds are sick and full of hate, and all they want to do is hurt people who disagree with them. 9/11 victims were casualties of hatred (regardless of whom you hold responsible - Al Quaida or conspirators in our government) and all the grown-ups around them are doing their best to make sure nothing like that ever happens again. I'm hoping not to have to go into more detail than that, if at all. He may not even ask. But I'm going to check out the websites you list all the same. Thank you!
William September 10, 2011 at 01:31 am
I want to respond to both of these comments briefly. As for the first comment, from "with a vengeance", I am not a conspiracy theorist nor did I mention any kind of conspiracy but instead offered very valid points that, if we as parent choose to discuss the matter with our youth, should be discussed along with the death and destruction that occurred on that day. But whether we were sanctioned to enter a war or not, whether our generals are allowed to lead or not, these are not the points - the point is that they were unjust, not only undeclared.
As for your other examples, you are attempting to dismiss my valid points amidst claims of conspiracy theorists...there is no need to address these points as they are irrelevant.
William September 10, 2011 at 01:31 am
As for my response to Aliza, I agree with you that this is not the place to discuss conspiracies and politics as politics. It is about speaking to our children, of which I have 7, and I still feel that if our children ask...and mine have not...that it is our duty as parents, as educators, to discuss the greater picture and not just the death, destruction and fear of that day. If we only focus on these three issues than we have done them an injustice and furthered the propaganda of fear and terror. For our children, the leaders of tomorrow, there is a greater point to be made - how our very system of government, which I was raised to believe is the greatest in the world, can be stolen from us through the spread of fear. You know, one good way to introduce them to other views of 9/11 is to have them read animal farm...it used to be mandatory reading in middle school but I think it was removed.
If my comments offended anyone, this is not my aim. If my comments made you think, good...and this is what I want for tomorrow's leaders, our children.
withavengeance September 10, 2011 at 11:09 am
My apologies, Aliza is correct. This is NOT the place to discuss conspiracies or politics. I have spent the last week watching various specials about 9/11 that have been presented on the Nat. Geo. and History Channels. All have touched me deeply. Since my son is now 19, I will not wait for him to bring it up, rather, I will bring it up if he does not. As I stated, though he was young at the time, he understood quite well what had happened and why.
I will also look at some of the websites. In addition, I will include some history lessons comparing 9/11 to Pearl Harbor and WWII. I will tell him how ANYone who was Japanese or German were hated because of what had happened...much like Middle Easterns are today. He will be taught to understand the mindset of radical terrorists who are still determined to destroy anyone who is not Middle Eastern or who do not believe in their religion. I will teach him how most wars in the past have begun over religion. I will tell him that Americans (of any ethnicity) are free under our Constitution to worship as they please without repercussions. I will tell him how the German part of my family 'Frenchified' their German last names, in light of the Japanese all being rounded up and losing all they owned. I will tell them about my grandmother who said she was Austrian, though she was not. I didn't learn this until many years later. I will tell him about my dad and others in my family who fought in WWII.
withavengeance September 10, 2011 at 11:22 am
Additionally, I will tell him about Vietnam (fought in my lifetime) and how our military was treated upon their arrival stateside, how they never wanted to be seen in uniform and how they were made to feel ashamed for serving their country.
He will find the Vietnam part very hard to fathom as he is a staunch supporter of our military and what America is and stands for. He is respectful of our flag and our military, both past and present. He already knows how America is hated by so many the world over. He knows that it all boils down to radicalism and most of all, envy. In other words, I will personalize 9/11 with some history lessons, including that of my own family. To sum it all up, I will teach him history as I was taught and as I know it, being as truthful as I know how. Unfortunately, I will also have to explain a bit how politics plays into the whole thing. Thank you, Ms. Pennington, for a thought provoking article.
withavengeance September 10, 2011 at 11:25 am
I still stand by my first paragraph in my original comment.....'How about telling your children that bin Laden, by these very attacks, had declared war on the USA and all other free territories in the world? That al Quaida had declared war on all the 'infidels' in the world, meaning anyone who doesn't follow the Koran or believe in Allah...this includes ALL religions, except the Muslim religion.'
I apologize for the multiple posts, but 9/11 to me is 'our' generation's Pearl Harbor.
Judith M. Smith September 11, 2011 at 03:47 pm
I'm interested in the comments about why the buildings collapsed when other steel buildings when struck have not...and about the turns being beyond the capabilities of inexperienced pilots...explain please...It may sound far fetched, but the access those men had to the small airports gives me pause in the debate about our own airport in CC.
PastorLorenzo Epps September 11, 2011 at 11:34 pm
talk to your children regarding the atrocities committed by white americans on black, asian, and native americans in this country...ie TERRORISM!
withavengeance2 September 12, 2011 at 11:44 am
Because, Judy, those other buildings were not struck by jumbo jets carrying a full load of jet fuel. As far as the turns? They had obviously had enough experience, because they accomplished it, did't they? Who cares how they were able to do it....they did it. Your last sentence doesn't bear replying to.
withavengeance2 September 12, 2011 at 11:45 am
With all due respect, Pastor, those atrocities are in a far different category than 9/11 and acts of war.
William September 12, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I found another site that will assist anyone in speaking (and understanding) 9/11.
WWW.9/11summary.com As for the buildings that did in fact get hit by commercial jets and did not fall, I remember one was a hotel...I will get the exact stories and my sources in the next two days time...just been very busy.
William September 12, 2011 at 12:27 pm
As for the pastors comments, I say they are on par with 9/11 but I would say that to point out only the atrocities of one people's (here whites) over another is not being fair as we find many wars and massacres between varying races and certainly inter racially.
withavengeance2 September 12, 2011 at 12:34 pm
On that one, I agree...also throw in how many wars have been fought over religion.
Judith M. Smith September 12, 2011 at 12:38 pm
With A...yes, it is important to understand how this feat was accomplished by supposedly inexperienced pilots..and my personal fear about the use of small airports has already been realized..I guess you meant: "deserve" rather than: "bear", if I am understanding your comment. As a nation we are sometimes very arrogant about how others view us and our society. You can pray and pray about different issues, but remember--our opposition also prays...I wonder how the Indians felt when we arrived...hmm
withavengeance2 September 12, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Sure, post it when you get a chance. My ?'s would still be: Were those 'commercial jets' jumbo jets with full fuel payloads? Were those other buildings as tall as the WTC? Were those planes aimed for a DIRECT hit (or a glancing blow)? Was it just a stroke of good providence? Were the subsequent explosions as huge as 9/11's were? Did the fires burn just as hot?
withavengeance2 September 12, 2011 at 01:31 pm
Regarding 'bear vs deserve'...symantics. As an American, I love this country and am ashamed of those who apologize. I am also ashamed of those who 'bow' to our enemies, some of whom mask themselves as our 'allies'.
Regarding Native Americans, what was done to them was shameful indeed. Plus Europeans brought previously missing diseases to them, e.g., small pox, syphillis and the like. But Native Americans gave the whites marijuana ;)
William September 13, 2011 at 12:10 am
I went to the site for Architects and engineers for 9/11 truth...very good articles, very informative...and found this link to similar buildings
http://911research.wtc7.net/talks/b7/history.html And I just want to reiterate one of the things I mentioned in my first post - jet fuel does not burn hot enough to melt steel, no matter how much you have and how long it burns, it is scientifically impossible as per the laws of physics.
William September 13, 2011 at 12:20 am
America did not deserve what happened on 9/11, no one deserves to have this happen. Similarly I would say that no one deserves what we did to Afghanistan afterwards.
I love my homeland and am not to blame for what the government does to feel a need to apologize...but I am patriotic enough to speak out when our government does wrong. Carl Schurz (in a U.S. Senate speech in 1872) said, "Our country right or wrong. When right, to be kept right. When wrong, to be put right". People say love it or leave it, I prefer the third option, change it. As for the native Americans, mixed response, to some we gave the carrot, to others we gave the stick, and we got those with carrots to help us with the stick. Of course, the settlers used some tribes, the British government others, the french still others and the spanish yet others still...and each used their carrot laden tribes to help against the others.
William September 13, 2011 at 12:26 am
As for the diseases, the Europeans (my own family came from wortenburg, Germany in 1865) didn't just introduce these diseases, they intentionally used them as a form of biological warfare, giving out blankets from the inferm in order to spread sickness and death with a smiling face and outstretched hand.
Marijuana is not just native to north America...it seems most cultures had some medicinal herbs they enjoyed to a fault. One think the sailors did get from the new world (south America and the carribian islands) was rum. They found the sugar cane but couldn't get it back so they fermented it to rum for the voyage.
William September 13, 2011 at 12:28 am
Wow, history, politics, architecture, physics, native Americans, racism, colonialism, drug abuse and alcohol - all from telling our kids about 9/11.
withavengeance2 September 13, 2011 at 03:41 am
Oh, good grief, Charlie Brown! 9/11 is ALL ABOUT what you list, in one shape, form or another. I don't have time to refute all you wrote...just know that I refute it. I will say that if exploding jet fuel can't cause steel to melt, then blame the architects and builders of the WTC. Also, after this horrendous attack, what was America supposed to do? Gee, turn the other cheek? Gee, sit down and have a beer and talk it over? I think NOT. I'm very proud of our retaliation...only sorry it didn't get bin Laden on the first go round. I'm sure you still feel that Pakistan is our 'friend', huh?
withavengeance2 September 13, 2011 at 03:42 am
I think you just may be a leftover hippie from back in the day...peace and love, man...
William September 13, 2011 at 05:58 am
Interesting response. I will take a moment to respond to your response...or lack thereof. First, I don't make any claims as to what 9/11 was "all about"...I simply look at what was done to our constitution, our rights and our freedoms afterwards.
Secondly, as for turning the other cheek...definitely not but I am against smacking the wrong guy just to make onlookers happy. The Taliban had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11 and our government didn't accuse them of it. We invaded their sovereign nation because we knew a single person was there and they refused to turn him over without evidence. It is that proud of our retaliation response that our government seemed to have been going for. We were attacked and we needed to show the world we were doing something about it...even if it meant doing something wrong. Third, we have been betraying Pakistan just as long (if not longer) than they have been betraying us...and we actively kill their innocent civilians on a regular basis and then say, "oops, our mistake. The wedding party of kids playing looked like terrorists through the drone's camera." And why didn't we invade pakistan if that's where bin laden was, that's why we went into afghanistan. We should have left one for the other based on that mentality

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