When Running Doesn't Come Easy

I had never done it before, but there I was at the start of the hill on 33rd Street in Baltimore...walking.

All around me at the Baltimore Ten Miler in June of this year, runners are powering through, headed up to the crest near where Memorial Stadium once stood. I've run the race before and in all the races I've done, I have never walked, except through water stops. No matter how steep it is, I always at least jog up hills.

But this year I was walking. Following that hill, I walked at least twice more in the race. It was like once I did it, there was no stopping me from doing it again. I didn't have a cramp and I wasn't overly dehydrated. It was a hot day, but no worse than some of the training runs that I have done.

This wasn't how I planned to run this race, which was my fifth 10-mile competition. I consider myself a runner, but I know my limits. I don't like training for runs longer than 10 miles, simply because I don't have the time to run for more than 90-100 minutes at a time during training.

But I've always run since high school, with the exception of my freshman year in college when I didn't work out at all. I do yoga pretty regularly and also do a lot of rock climbing, so running isn't the only thing I do to work out.

I finished the race with a time that wasn't my worst, but certainly not my best. I met my friend and we went over to Paper Moon Diner to get breakfast. I swung by the Waverly Farmers Market and then came back to my house, not feeling the typical satisfaction I feel after a race.

Why did I walk so much? Why, after some great training runs where I finally felt like I was pushing through to a deeper level, did I give up so easily? Why couldn't I just move on from it?

I'm sure just about every runner or athlete hits a point where they have this type of problem. Whether it's a lack of motivation or a lack of competitiveness, sometimes we can't perform at our best.

The conclusion I've come to isn't there isn't always a reason for it. Sometimes it's best to just let it go and move on.

Within a month after the race I was in Philadelphia visiting one of my good friends and former running partner. When I lived together in a house in West Baltimore with four other girls, many of us would run together several times a week. We always used to love those runs around the Inner Harbor and the water, as we were able to talk and sort out so many things in our life.

Talking with my friend on that trip, I learned that injuries are also keeping her from running to her fullest potential. We went for a run together that only lasted 15 minutes, but for both of us we were starting to realize that you can't always be hardcore.

Sometimes it just isn't there. Maybe because I've spent so much time focusing on yoga in the past six months that there's not enough drive left to challenge myself on running. Or maybe because I don't have a close group of friends to run with like I used to.

Whatever it is, I think what's more important to focus on are these simple truths:

1. I should be grateful that my body can still handle running.

2. Sometimes in life we just aren't inspired and that's OK.

3. When I do start having great runs again, I will enjoy them so much more.

I'm still waiting for that first great run, but when it happens, I'll be sure to tell you.