The Worthington Post: Marriage...(Insert tongue firmly in cheek. Your own cheek, please.)

Dear Everyone Opposed to Allowing Homosexuals to Marry,

You are missing a HUGE opportunity.  There are entirely different, EVEN BIGGER groups whose rights you can petition the government to deny.  Gays marrying is not natural, you say?  Homosexuals marrying would ruin the institution of marriage?  Oh, dear.  Put on your glasses, people.  Aim higher.

I’m not generally a fan of government interference in such personal matters, but if we are going to deny people the right to marry, shouldn’t it be the groups of people who, over the course of human history, have proven that they are really, really bad at it?   Yes, I am talking about superstars in the businesses of entertainment, politics and sports.  THESE are the ones for whom marriage is not natural.  THESE are the people doing so much to give marriage a bad name.

In fact, if you really want to support the institution of marriage, I propose that the only people in these fields who should be permitted to marry are the ones who are gay. If the LBGT community makes up less than 10 percent of the population, the math is in their favor!  This drastically reduces the numbers in the temptation pool whilst they are on the road touring, campaigning or competing, increasing their chances of staying faithful to their same-sex spouse!

 Who’s with me?  (*crickets chirping*)

Hmmm.  My husband is questioning the validity of my math, and it’s possible there are a few holes in that logic.  Also, to be fair, of course, not all superstars in these fields practice infidelity, and not all of us regular folk stay true to our spouses.  Regardless, can we please just assume that once a politician, athlete, actor, musician, etc. reaches a certain level of success and fame that their ability to remain faithful to their spouse is seriously compromised?  Let’s go down the list, here.

1. People whose careers involve staying gorgeous and taking their clothes off with other gorgeous people and pretending to be in love with a different person for each movie,
2. People whose chosen paths involve lengthy absences from their families while they are worshipped and fawned over by people seeking all kinds of favors and favor,
3. People whose prowess on the athletic field guarantees they will be showered with offers to demonstrate their prowess off the field, and
4. People who actively pursue careers wherein success equals ungodly fame, extreme wealth, wielding great power, and obscene stroking of egos as a matter of course.

These are the ones from whom we expect fidelity?  I’m sorry, but it’s just not natural.