The Worthington Post - Equals

A long, long, time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I was 21. Degrees in hand, I was looking forward to a career in teaching, but not yet.  I was working as a temporary, floating secretary in a downtown law firm.  Everyone knew that Dave, who was stationed in California at the time, was required/bound/couldn’t wait to propose to me at some time or another, so why get entrenched in a career in Baltimore, right?

Even though it wasn’t my dream job, I enjoyed being a secretary a lot and I worked hard at it.  Every once in a while, though, I’d land an attorney who treated me like an idiot.  He (sorry, it was always a he…) would talk down to me, or order me around like I was his servant.  This was generally a departure from the previous 21 years, in which most people I encountered assumed I had neurons that fire.

During a stint with one of these condescending types of guys, I spoke to my uncle – also a lawyer.  I let him know this sort of treatment was upsetting to me.  He said the following:

“Aliza, a smart boss will recognize the value in having an equal as an assistant.”

Take a moment or two to allow that notion to sink in.   For me, it was a really helpful shift in perspective.  Even though my job was one of assisting, I was in some ways my boss’ equal, and it was his problem/loss that he didn’t see me that way. 

When I eventually took on roles with authority, I remembered this in regarding those around me.  That wisdom has stayed front and center in my consciousness all the years since.  In fact, I often play “fill-in-the-blank” with that notion trying to find other words to replace “boss” in that sentence.  Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

A smart spouse will recognize the value in having an equal as an assistant.

A smart parent will recognize the value in having an equal as an assistant.

A smart glassblower will recognize the value in having an equal as an assistant.

A smart congressman will recognize the value in having an equal as an assistant.

A smart doctor will recognize the value in having an equal as an assistant.

I’m sure the list could get very, very long.  It is not a propos in all situations, and it is not the same thing as saying everyone has the same skill set and level.  Try, though, to consider how human relations might improve if we viewed one another through this lens. 

In a relationship of presumed hierarchy (like boss/secretary, artist/apprentice) it forces those in 'power' to view their assistants with the respect to which they are entitled – and even to seek out as assistants people for whom they have a good measure of respect.

In a relationship of presumed equals (like spouses and parents) it gives “Partner A” a way to step back and let the “Partner B” take the lead, “Partner A” lending support and help without feeling demoted or diminished, and vice versa.

It is liberating as an assistant to be valued as an equal.  It is comforting for the person being assisted to have that sort of confidence in his or her helpers.  I am convinced there are endless variations on my uncle’s words.  Try it – there’s a power trip to be avoided, here.